| Union funds are being diverted to support vice on campus, a special grand jury decided this week. Indictments have been issued against Marvin "Greed" Johnson and Billy "the kid" Larson.
 Johnson, head of the 9,000 member coop-loafers club, said there was nothing wrong with the way he spent an estimated $45 of surplus student funds that were employed by him.
According to the grand jury report, $3.14 went to cigars, $5.36 to angostura, $36 for a bathtub, 39 cents for dog biscuits and 50 cents for ice cream cones.
Johnson admitted that some people might not approve of his habits including putting angostura in his coop coffee to give it a distinct bitter flavor.
"My plans are to make my coffee so bitter that no one else can stand it," Johnson said. "My plan backfired a bit when students kept drinking my coffee."
By keeping students away from his coffee, "Greed" said students would always be thirsty so he and Billy "the kid" Larson could then sell their bootleg booze at the Union during cocktail hour.
"I learned da racket durin’ da depression," Johnson said.
The ice cream cones were used to bribe Larson.
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